3 months

It has been three months since our angel went to Heaven. I think I'll plant her flowers tomorrow and whisper prayers of love into the Earth for her to receive as the morning glories grow.

I miss her terribly. Her sweet smile, her raspy giggle, her pudgy tummy, her tiny feet, her thick curly hair, her knowing looks, her wide open mouth when she was truly, truly thrilled with something, her little bity hands that always curled up near her mouth when she slept, the way she smelled after a bath, and oh how she loved her bath! I miss watching her read books, I miss playing peek-a-boo (her favorite game of all time), I miss being with Ms. Linda at the Speech School and sharing her joy in Zoe's progress, I miss our visits with Ms. Peggy from Lekotek who still comes all the way to see us, but whose visits seem like something is missing...because she is. I miss watching her watch her sisters as they play and climb on top and over her, I miss watching her taking part in "steal the paci" an ongoing game among the three, I miss seeing her face light up when her Daddy walks in the room, I miss seeing her wave bye-bye to Mema, Mimi, or Namo, I miss those funny little things she'd do with her lips and tongue after her oral stim exercises, I miss watching her play with her food, I miss seeing her delight in discovering a new toy, I miss snuggling with her on the floor, the sofa, or the bed, I miss watching her roll back and forth and back and forth all over the playroom, I miss watching her grab her toes (when she left the NICU we were trying to get her to realize she had feet!). I miss dressing her in cute dresses with bows in her hair and tiny little shoes, I miss having three daughters in the flesh, I miss kissing her fat cheeks, I miss rubbing noses with her, I miss the soft feel of her skin, I miss the treatments and the meds...because I felt like I was making a difference in her life, I miss dreaming about her future. I miss her so much.