On Christmas 2014

My heart still aches for one more day with my daughter, even though I know if that wish were granted it wouldn't be enough.  I haven't written in well over a year, not a sentence, nothing in my book I was so eager to finish in 2013.  As my grief ebbs this holiday time I sat down to write but sentences wouldn't form.  Somehow, mingled with my tears emerged a poem.

Just Out of Reach

I hear you
In the leaf on the tree
rustling, quietly,
gently brushing my ears with its soft whisper.
The song of a bird
sitting, perched on a branch,
searching the sky for another.
The raindrops on the window
on a cool afternoon.

I see you
In the morning dew
tiny clear pearls,
clinging, glistening on each blade of grass across the lawn.
Bright sun rays
piercing, through the slivers of space among the clouds above,
a window to heaven, slender fingers reaching down to caress the Earth.
The dancer on nimble toes
graceful, gliding,
soft chiffon skirts swirling around her ankles
flowing in time with each perfect step.

Alone in my thoughts
I wander,
never too far, you're always near yet
just out of reach.
Your round soft head nestled, safely
in the crook of my arm.
Your skin, as downy feathers, silken beneath my fingertips
your eyes, clear green, sparkling
like sundrops in the dawn on the sea.

My nose gently touched the curve of your smooth baby forehead
our eyes locked in tenderness as the heaviness of sleep approaches.
and then your smile,
creeping across your face,
bursting forth, exposing the sunshine residing within your heart.

That was our time
my favorite time,
just you and me

I hear you today
In the gravel beneath my feet
grinding the asphalt to powder
rhythmically, under the bottoms of my shoes.
My legs burn and run,
carrying me, away
away from the pain,
from the emptiness since you've gone,
away from the phantom ache still plaguing my arms,
longing to hold you

Hot, salty tears,
trace crooked paths down my cheeks,
seeping into the corners of my mouth
lips parched, thirsting for just one more day
one more space in time to savor you, to know you
to love you,

All time favorite video of Zoe!

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Bible verses that comfort me

"Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord."
~ 2 Corinthians 5:8

"Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children....Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them"
~ Mark10:14 & 10:16

"...those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint"~ Isaiah40:31