Speaking of cows

Now that RSV season is over and the flu season is winding down (kind of), we are venturing out in public with the girls. With the down economy I'm looking for inexpensive or free things to do that would be interesting for us as a family. It would be nice for us to go on an "adventure" every weekend if possible. The day before Mother's Day we went to a local farmer's market. The girls LOVED it! They pretty much set up camp in front of the live music, danced, and smiled at everyone who smiled at them. According to Avery there were "yots and yots of vegetables" at the market.

For today's adventure I zeroed in on a free tour of the local Mayfield Dairy. This is the same Mayfield Dairy, if you live in the southeast, that produces milk sold in the golden yellow jugs and the yummy, yummy Moose Tracks ice cream. The girls were so enthralled with Guwampa's farm I thought this would be a great opportunity for them to see some more cows, see the milk the cows make, and eat some ice cream. I should have gotten a clue that things may not be as they appear when the website gave no pictures or description of the tour but instead focused a lot on the merchandise one might purchase in their gift shop. Ah well.

So the girls wake up and are excited to go on a "dairy farm adventure"...yes, I assumed we were actually going to an actual working dairy farm. I had visions of walking through and seeing the cows in the field and some more cows hooked up to those things that milk them, then we'd see the milk being put into glass bottles (I know it's not 1950 but this was the image I had in my head), and maybe we'd even see where they make the ice cream and get to taste free samples of new flavors. So we all eat a good breakfast, the girls got dressed with little protest, and we all hop in the car, eager to see what lies ahead just a few towns away.

The doubt begins to settle in when we pull up to what looks like a manufacturing plant with a "country store" looking entrance. Not a cow in sight, except for the 15'-0" tall plastic one next to the ice cream shop. Lily says from the back seat "we're gonna see cows" in that sweet sing songy voice of hers. I look at Richard with a little concern in my eyes, not wanting the girls to be disappointed.

We get out of the car and head through the front doors of the "country store" and enter a gift shop wonderland with all things Mayfield...keychains, stuffed cows, coozies, t-shirts, mugs, glasses, you name it...it said Mayfield. There are also any number of toys from Gund stuffed animals and Webkinz, to a very chic looking play country kitchen. I see an employee at the front desk and say hello and tell her this is our first visit, she tells us the next tour will begin in 40 minutes and we should line up under the yellow sign at the entrance to the theater. Theater...hmmm...with two two year olds...not quite sure how this is going to go.

Well we walk around the gift shop a bit, saying repeatedly "be careful", "don't touch that", "we can't hold that", "that's dirty", you get the idea. Richard and I decide to go ahead and get the girls some ice cream to pass the time. They get a scoop of birthday cake ice cream in a cone - why did I order a cone for two toddlers? I suppose I wanted that picturesque, quintessential "experience" of eating ice cream that they of course make right here where we were standing.

The girls spend some time licking away at the cone and then running around the courtyard area. They stare at all the other kids around, smell the flowers, and point out the very large plastic cow. The call comes over the intercom for the next tour and we head back inside. We sit in the first row in front of a fairly large screen. While we are sitting there, waiting for the other people to file in, I notice two bins near the exit door labeled "hair nets"...hmmm...this "adventure" is becoming more adventurous by the second.

The nice tour guide comes in and says we'll watch a 10 minute video before starting the tour. The lights go down and a video comes on showing a brief history of the Mayfield Dairy and how the milk is processed, tested, and bottled. The one good thing about the video was that it was made very clear that Avery and Lily are no where near ready for a movie at a movie theater. Two minutes in Lily was squirming and trying to run away...for Avery it took about 5 minutes. Granted the subject matter had nothing to do with Loonette, Molly Dolly, Dora or Mary Poppins...but still, it was a pretty good indicator that the big screen will have to wait for a while.

The video ends and a supervisor comes in explaining that this is a working plant (he didn't say dairy farm) and OSHA requires all visitors and employees to wear hairnets. Yes, even Avery and Lily had to wear them. This was probably the highlight of the adventure...seeing all four of us in our yellow hairnets, I'm sure we were quite a sight! Photography was not allowed so unfortunately you'll have to use your imagination.

The tour begins and we see a big room with lots of stainless steel piping and machinery...no milk or cows in sight. The next window we get to shows three people shooting the breeze in the "laboratory"...ok, still no milk or cows. We move on to the next area which is the receiving area. Receiving? I thought the cows were around here somewhere so what was there to receive that we would have any interest in seeing? The receiving area, I quickly learn, is for the trucks to come in with the milk!

What???

No cows?

Nope! Just big refrigerated trucks full of milk from cows that don't even live in Georgia! Some of the milk comes from Georgia or Tennessee, but most comes from Indiana. So now I'm bummed and the girls still are looking into these rooms that are mostly stainless steel tubing and stainless steel trucks and stainless steel tanks. We continue on to the next windowed rooms...the first is where the jugs are made, the next is where the milk is put into the jugs, and the last one is where the jugs are put in the milk crates and sent into the refrigerated warehouse. I was so disappointed! It wasn't even a fast paced, jug after jug along a busy conveyor belt with busy workers slapping labels on the jugs, like you see in the movies. It was all just a bunch of stainless steel, there were hardly any people at all since the processing is all automated, and it didn't even look like it was moving all that fast either.

Ok, so I'm 1 for 1 in the "adventure" planning department (I can at least attest that I suggested the wildlife zoo, but I can't take credit for the farmer's market, that was all Richard)...I guess I need to do more research next time. Despite how boring the tour was, the girls were very well behaved and as we were driving away Avery says "this was a fun day mommy and daddy." I guess they really don't need much more than being with mommy, daddy, and eachother.

So much to say

So much to tell you...where should I start????

Mother's Day - was perfect! Richard kept asking me what I wanted to do...my only request was to sleep uninterrupted until 8:30. Ahhhh, how nice! I can hardly remember when waking up at 8:30 was early!!! He got the girls up and dressed and when they knocked on my door they had Starbuck's and Bojangle's chicken biscuits in hand...yum! I'm a sucker for a chicken biscuit...especially the Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen. But since that particular outlet only exists as a single shack in Chapel Hill...Bojangle's is a close second on my list. The girls thought it was particularly fun to eat "bikits" in bed with mommy. We then went on an adventure to a local wildlife zoo that has rescued endangered animals like bobcats, a bald eagle, a black bear, some alligators, etc. The girls also thought this was pretty darn cool. Of course their favorite part was at the end when we came to the family picnic area with the playground. They "yiked suh-yiding on the suh-yides wiff the oder tuh-wil-der-wen" (sliding on the slides with the other children). The weather was beautiful, the girls were adorable as always, and Richard was incredibly wonderful...as always!

Fast forward a few days and we found ourselves loading the van to head up to NC to visit my dad and stepmom on their new farm. The property is beautiful, 28 acres of meadows, trees, and ponds. They've put extensive work into the fruit orchard and veggie garden and the house renovation was just incredible. The house is an old farm house that they restored and added on to. All the materials used, all of the colors, all of the spaces felt so good. It immediately felt like "home" eventhough the last house my dad lived in had been home for the last 15 years! The girls had so much fun. They got to feed the chickens every day and collect the eggs. They got to walk around the 100% organic veggie garden and pick veggies and eat them right then and there...no required washing off of pesticides...they loved the sugar peas, the arugula, there was even some asparagus from the previous landowner. We're looking forward to "fruit season" when the pears, apples, blueberries, grapes, and blackberries are all ripe and ready for eating...hopefully the birds and squirrels won't get to them before we have a chance.

The only drawback was Buddy...the rooster...and I say drawback simply as an endearing term because he really is a beautiful rooster. But I thought roosters crowed at sunrise...not at 4 a.m.!!!! And then again and again and again until the sun actually did rise. This of course woke the girls up and being in a new place with no room darkening draperies, they didn't really go back to sleep after waking up before 6 a.m.!!! This left mommy pretty sleepy. Thankfully there were a few willing hands on deck to take care of them in the morning so I could dose on the couch. These willing hands also allowed me to take a day trip to visit one of my friends in Virginia who has triplets a couple months older than the girls. We were supposed to meet up with two other triplet mommies but one threw her back out and the other wasn't feeling well...one day Jess...one day I WILL meet you in person! It was great to spend time with Kelly, it was just way, way too short! We'll have to plan some sort of retreat sometime so we can have time to really spend together. There is something about being with other moms who have gone through part or all of what you've been through...there is this camaraderie, this understanding that others just can't surmise. It's that "secret special preemie/triplet mommy bond" we all have I think.

My dad and stepmom hosted a big "farmwarming" party on Saturday as a thank you for all the construction workers, architect, friends, and family who were involved and supported their effort in obtaining and renovating the farm. They had a good old southern pig pickin' and an awesome live band that Avery and Lily LOVED!!! I wasn't sure what the girls would think of all the people and all the commotion, but they did great. There were two other little girls a bit older than them, but the four ran around all day long together. They visited the chickens, they danced, they ran through the garden, they waved at the cows, they went on a hay ride (courtesy of Guwampa and his tractor), and they found a special secret hiding place inside the branches of an enormous magnolia tree that had this old swing hanging inside. It really was a little girl's wonderland...I can just see them in a couple of years playing all kinds of princess and fairy games in there. It was such a wonderful trip, eventhough there was hardly a moment to just sit and enjoy the place.

On our last evening there we decided to sprinkle a bit of Zoe's ashes in a part of the garden that they've planted specifically as a Zoe memorial garden. There are some daisies and comfrey, a tree and a bench and surrounding it are fig trees, a persimmon tree, and a ju ju bee. So we dug a small hole, the girls picked a couple of daisies and laid them in the hole. I sprinkled a bit of Zoe and then we covered it up. No one said any profound words, it was simply a quiet, kind of peaceful offering. We want Zoe to be connected to the farm because it will be a part of our family for many many years to come. For me, knowing that she's there means something to me. So that I'm not "just talking to the air" when I sit on the bench. I can feel, in the future, like she's there right next me in a way that is a little more tangible.

Afterwards, Avery was going around to each of the little trees, patting them gently and telling them to "guh-wo well" (grow well). Lily was running all around so I started chasing after her. Richard and my sister were sitting on the bench about 30 feet away when Lily looked at me and said "Who's that yittle girl?" I said "what little girl, Lily?" She said "The little girl in Daddy's hands. Daddy has a yittle girl in his hands. Yet's go see her." My dad, my stepmom, my sister, and Richard all heard her and we all just sat breathless...she continued walking towards Richard insisting he had a little girl in his lap. When I started asking more questions she just ran off. A little later I asked her what color the little girl's hair was and she told me it was black and that the little girl was a baby. At bedtime Richard asked her more about the little girl and Lily said "It was Zoe Daddy" as if to say, "come on Dad, don't you know that?" Amazing! Absolutely amazing!

I was really missing our little angel...partly because we were there on the 16th of the month and also partly because of watching Avery and Lily thoroughly enjoying life...I mean really, really enjoying the air and the grass and the animals...every aspect of life, they were soaking it up and living and laughing. I just wanted Zoe there too...in the flesh, to be as thrilled as they were. Maybe their level of happiness was a smidge of what Zoe has in Heaven...but I sure wish she could have been with us in person...even if she did make an appearance in spirit.

The girls are so connected to Zoe...it is truly amazing to me how perceptive they are and how they pick up on certain "symbols" I've created as reminders of Zoe...like Snow White for example or a rose. Avery was trying to get something off the ground and she said to me "Mommy! A Zoe Rose, but I can't pick it up." I went over to where she was and saw a root of a nearby tree, sticking out of the ground in the perfect shape of a rose in full bloom. Avery saw this...perceived it to be a rose...connected that with Zoe and wanted to hold it! Do I really have two year olds or 12 year olds? I'm a little scared at how smart they are and how much smarter than me they're going to be in the future!!!

The last day we were there was "meat day." My dad raises cows on an all organic, grass fed diet. Two of these cows had recently been "processed" so Richard went with him and another friend to pick up all 600 pounds (I think) of beef from the "processor" (a much nicer title than slaughter house). They inventoried it and distributed it to be sent to folks who had pre-ordered. It was quite a production. My dad had to be inspected and licensed as a meat handler by the USDA and everything! By the way...if you are in need of organic, grass fed, free range, hormone and antibiotic free beef and you live between Atlanta and Chapel Hill we can probably hook you up with an order! They had a lot that was pre-sold but there is quite a bit left over to sell. We didn't have room in our van to take home our order so I'm looking forward to my dad's next trip down here so we can try our first "Windy Meadows Organic Beef".

All-in-all it's been an eventful couple of weeks. The girls had their two year check up yesterday. All is going well, they're growing, but they're underweight (Lily weighs 21 pounds and is 33" tall and Avery is 23.5 pounds and 35" tall) so we'll go to a nutritionist for a detailed evaluation. Lily has started to stutter a bit so we'll have a speech eval done and she's also due for a re-check on her hydronephrosis condition which will entail an outpatient catheterization procedure to be done at Scottish Rite...I really don't want to go back to that hospital with one of my children. I've been able to go there to visit another mom and one of her triplets...but to go there again with one of my own...I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle that. I may have to call the urologist tomorrow and find out if there is any possible way to have it done at the other children's hospital. The more I think about walking into that place where I last held Zoe alive...I just don't know if I can do it. Maybe there's a way so we won't have to. I hope so.

On a note about Zoe's foundation...we're making some progress. The website is coming along. We hope to have new content up soon and I'd like to see it fully functional by the end of the summer. Our website designer is awesome, he's doing it completely for free and it's not his day job so I have to be patient. He's doing such a great job, is so diligent and dedicated to making it perfect and I really appreciate his work. We're also starting to plan for this year's Candle Lighting Remembrance ceremony to be held on October 17th. I'll post more details about that once our committee meets and we start to firm up the plans. We're hoping to increase attendance and make it more of an "event" this year with music and guest speakers. I'm excited about it, I think it will be a healing event for the parents who can attend and hopefully for all the parents with children represented it will be a time of knowing their child is remembered and acknowledged.

Phew...that was a lot. I really need to get back to weekly postings, I try to cram too much in at once when I post every couple of weeks. Anyway...I'll put up a slideshow soon...I owe you all pictures way back to my birthday and Easter!!!

Big 'ol girls

They never stop amazing me...these beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary little girls that are MY daughters. They are so filled with love and compassion, and they so freely express it in so many ways...this is a true, innocent gift that I treasure. We had an Americanized Brazilian bbq last night with some new friends from church and our NICU buddie Noah and his parents. Noah is a 24 weeker surviving twin who is now 2 years old. He has CP which makes it difficult for him to do the things a 2 year old wants to do. He just started crawling and boy does he get around now! His expressive language has really developed in the last few months so he can tell you what he wants, what he sees, etc. He has a mother who is so determined, so strong, so loving, and spends hours and hours each day working with him, helping him, caring for him and researching any form of therapy or treatment that may be helpful to provide her son with the best possible life he can have.

I loved seeing Noah, our new friend Isabella, Lily and Avery playing together. For Isabella and Noah our playroom was all brand new with lots of things to explore. The kids really seemed to have a great time playing and none of them really wanted to eat dinner...there was too much fun to be had! While the adults were eating, the kids were running around, chasing each other, eating food off our plates and just having a good time. Noah, who is just as big as Avery and Lily, can't sit up by himself unsupported yet, but he got in on the action by crawling around the family room. He likes to get under things so he stared crawling under and around these little kid chairs we have. Lily sat on top of one of them and started playing peek-a-boo with him and then Avery laid down under the other chair and did what Noah was doing. After a while they all got out from under the chairs and it was just Noah in the family room with us. He was still crawling around on his belly exploring his new surroundings. At one point he stopped (probably to take a little rest) and Lily walked over and just laid down right next to him and smiled and held his hand. It was so sweet!

As the evening was winding down the kids were revving up, no doubt trying to keep themselves awake. So we were in the girls bedroom reading books with Noah and sometimes with Lily and Avery and Isabella. The girls started chasing each other, down the hall and into the living room and back into the bedroom. Back and forth, back and forth...just screaming with laughter and giggles. Noah wanted to go after them. Each time the girls ran out he'd say "where girls?" asking "where'd they go?" And each time they reappeared he broke out into a big smile.

It was so wonderful to see Noah have a good time and to watch Lily and Avery interact and play with new friends. They were the perfect hosts, sharing their toys and baby dolls. Lily even let Noah hold her coveted "little tiny baby" (the baby from the fisher price doll house that she carries with her where ever she goes)...I don't think Noah or his mom realized how big this was for her to do...she rarely lets anyone hold that baby. I'm so thankful for the time we all had together. And I hope it was at least a small portion of time for Noah and his parents to simply enjoy themselves.

In addition to their huge loving hearts the girls are also showing me just how grown up they are. This week has been the week that I decided to start letting the girls fall asleep without me. We've always had a kind of attachment parenting approach with the girls, to always be acceptant, loving, and respectful of them and to make sure they always know they are safe and infinitely loved. Up until this week our bedtime routine was to lay down in their bed (they share a full size bed) to read books, say our prayer, and sing songs. Then I'd stay with them until they fell asleep. This is time that I have treasured and has been just as much for me as for them.

Lately this routine has been taking Avery a lot longer than normal and all the while she's playing with my hair (her security blanket) by entangling her hands in my hair and pulling (ouch!). So I broke out Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block book and looked up the sleep section. He described three gentle, basic ways to help your toddler learn to soothe themselves. One was to sing the same song, but pretend you forgot to do something and leave the room, come back in a little while (he specifies the seconds and minute intervals to use) sing the song again and just keep repeating the pattern each time increasing the time it takes to come back in the room. I opted not to try this one for the simple fact that Avery and Lily would probably ask me too many questions each time I came back.

Another method was to stay next to the bed and each time they cried or tried to get out of bed to pick them up say "I love you" and put them back down. No additional cuddling or talking. Again I chose not to do this one because I think it would probably upset Avery more to have me right next to her, but not talking and not holding her. So I went with the third method...the one where you go through your same night time routine each night, keeping the lights dim, music soft, making sure it is a soothing routine. And then you tuck them in, saying "I love you. It's time to go night night" and leave the room. If they cry you open the door after 3 minutes and say "I love you. It's time to go night night." You repeat this, if they cry, in specific intervals...I did 3, 3, 5, 7, and 10 minutes. Avery was very upset and did not appreciate this new routine one bit. But one of the things I paid attention to was what Harvey Karp described about the type of crying to expect. He said it would not be a hysterical, I'm in pain, I'm in serious distress type of crying...it would be more of a "hey, I'm not getting my way, that's not fair" kind of protest. And he was right. It was definitely NOT Avery's serious cry...it was the "I'm not getting my way" cry...so I was able to sit outside the bedroom door and let her do this. She didn't cry continuously each time, it was more like 15-30 second intervals of fussing.

The first 3 minute intervals were tough for me...I heard Lily say repeatedly "Where mommy and daddy go?" and Avery say "Mommy yay down. Need mommy's hair." But they did settle down before too long. I made a mistake after the 7 minute interval; she went 9 minutes without crying at all but right when 10 minutes was up she fussed again. I should have just kept the door shut, but instead it was my "opportunity" to remind her I was here, that I hadn't abandoned her, so I opened the door and said "I love you. Time to go night night." When I shut the door she really lost it. Oh, I could hardly stand it. She only did this for about a minute but she did wake Lily up who said "Av-wee, don't cwy. Av-wee, don't cwy." And Avery stopped fussing. It was so sweet I wanted to run in there and hug and kiss them both!

Night number two...I only opened the door once after the first 3 minutes and then they were asleep. Night number three was a little like the first night, but not quite...I think we did 3, 3, 5, and by 7 they were asleep. Night number four we had Namo with us so I was a little worried that it would be harder to get them to agree to this new routine. But, we read books, said our prayer, sang songs, tucked them in and left the room. I was standing outside the door and didn't hear a peep until I looked over and there they were standing in the doorway. So I ushered them back in and tucked them in again. After I kissed them both Avery said "get c-yose to yiyi" so I put her right next to Lily and in another minute they were both asleep.

Tonight went pretty well too. Neither of them fussed at all...not one peep. Lily fell right asleep and Avery got up out of bed maybe 3 or 4 times but eventually she did snuggle up to Lily and fell asleep. I have to say I am very impressed. Richard and I both said we would have lost a bet if someone told us that it would take just 5 nights and they'd both be champs at soothing themselves. I'm proud of them and a little sad all at the same time. I have to add that they've also slept a little longer in the mornings since starting this and haven't woken up in the middle of the night like usual. This also makes me proud and sad at the same time.

My girls are growing up right before my eyes...each day they get a little bigger, a little more independent, and my love for them keeps growing right alongside them.