God is speaking...but, am I listening?

Richard and I found a wonderful church around this time last year and have been blessed to become a part of this church family. It really is only recently that I've joined a bible study and a small group and I am really enjoying them both. In the bible study we're going through the book "Journey to Wholeness" by Signa Bodishbaugh and it teaches you how to keep a listening prayer journal...how to truly hear God's word, to open your heart to receive what he's trying to tell you and how he is guiding you. At first I was sure that God didn't really talk to me, and it would probably be just once in a blue moon that I would actually hear him. Well, I've been proven wrong, over and over in just a few short weeks. I have learned that...as my pastor said months ago...it is in the ignoble that we truly see and hear God. And it's true...it is when we can quiet ourselves...that is when we hear that still voice inside and that voice is God's voice. We just too often dismiss it, at least I know I did.

I actually wrote that I didn't think I'd hear Him speak to me in my listening prayer journal. On that day we read the story of Noah and the great flood. The next day we read Revelations chapter 4 and the author asked us to use our imagination to hear God, to use our internal visual sense to connect to Him. She asked us to write out the image that most captivated us. For me it was this:

Revelations 4:3 "The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones - jasper & carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled His throne like a rainbow."

The instant I wrote this in my prayer journal I could see this incredibly vibrant picture in my head and as soon as I wrote the word "rainbow" my mind went right back to what I had read the day before...

Genesis 9:12-13 "And God said 'I am giving you a sign as evidence of my eternal covenant with you and all living creatures. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my permanent promise to you and to all the Earth."

I got so excited and thanked Him for reminding me of His permanent promise and telling me quite quickly that yes, I will indeed hear Him speak to me.

Another instance happened in terms of my girls. They've been fighting their naps and naptime has become a very unpleasant, stressful part of the day that usually leaves me angry and frustrated beyond what I should feel. I hate feeling like this, I hate getting angry for something so trivial and so I prayed about it. I asked for Him to fill my heart with His infinite grace and calm. I have also been praying for Him to help me teach my girls to have a relationship with Him. You see I grew up with loving parents, but it was not a Christian home. I want my girls to grow up in a Christian home, but I don't know how to teach them something that I feel like I'm still just learning about. I have also been praying to find a perfect time of day to do my daily quiet time. As most moms, it's tough when you hit the ground running first thing in the morning. I'm not a morning person...I simply couldn't wake up at 5:30 or 6:00 unless the house was on fire! So early morning devotional time just won't work for me :)

Well...I was again, listening for God's word and the idea popped into my head..."Keira, instead of fighting with Avery and Lily to take their naps, try concentrated quiet time instead. Keep it peaceful and calm and use that quiet time to teach them about Me." So I ran right out and got two great toddler bibles that go through the stories in the bible, give you questions and points so you can discuss the story on their level and bring it into their lives today. There are songs and poems throughout and craft and art projects to do as well. Granted, it isn't the quiet time I specifically need by myself...but I think it's important time during the day that should not be wasted or end up with all three of us pulling our hair out!

The other part of this is that I'm in a small group just for moms and we're reading a book called Family Driven Faith and one of the things the author talks about is how important our roles as parents are. Just as we can't expect our teachers to do it all for our kids in terms of their academic achievements...the same holds true for Sunday school. We can't just leave it up to the Sunday school teacher to teach them something on Sunday and then go all week without discussing it or reinforcing it. God has really used these books and these groups to help me begin a pattern of very special, very intimate time with my precious, amazingly wonderful little girls.

So today was our first toddler bible study. We read about creation and they wanted to read about baby Moses. We read it together and we talked about it and they were calm. We then were going to read a couple of books and they started to do their "rowdy routine", which I know they do specifically because they know they'll get a reaction out of me. So I said to them "Mommy can stay in here with you if you can be quiet and calm. If you need to be noisy I'm going to leave for a little while." So I walked out and within 5 minutes they had gone from giggling to crying. So I came back in and it was clear that Lily wanted to rest and Avery was just being rambunctious...no doubt trying to keep herself awake! I took Avery and laid her in the guest bedroom bed and told her she could read some books quietly. I went back to Lily and told her the same thing. Then I sat in the hallway between the two rooms with both doors open so I could hear and see them. Lily came to the door once and then quietly went back to her bed. Within five more minutes she was asleep. Avery climbed out of her bed two times...the threat of no dessert after dinner is what got her to stay in bed (Richard was due home this evening after being out of town so we had planned to make special cupcakes together after quiet time for him). Ten more minutes went by and she was asleep too.

Thank you God!

I'm an Angel Now

I put this poem on Facebook today and thought I should probably share it here too. It is just beautiful.

One night I cried to Jesus as I sat beneath a tree
I looked into the open sky and hoped he would answer me..
I'm lost dear Lord, I've traveled far, but still I seem to roam
Please light the way and lead me Lord, I need to get back home...

I told him of my burdens, and of the sadness in my heart
That from His gracious love, I'd never felt so far apart....
Why did you take my child Lord? I cannot understand!
No longer can I touch her face, or hold her tiny hand...

I'm angry Lord, I'm missing her, I'm drowning in my sorrow
Please help to heal my yesterday and face each new tomorrow...
It was then I heard her gentle voice and felt her presence near
How I wanted so to hold her as I cried another tear...

She said, "Mommy, I am an angel now, my spirit is free
I'm an angel now in Heaven, so please don't cry for me
I was chosen by our Lord above and now I'm in His care
When you need me, look inside your heart, I promise to be there

No one can ever take away our bond
For I'll always be your precious baby, as you will be my mother
So if you cannot find your way, or the road to home seems far
Just look up to the Heavens...and I'll be your guiding star

She said, "Mommy, I'm an angel now, my spirit is free
I'm an angel now in Heaven, no need to cry for me..."

by: Janice Grogen

Summer's ending...here comes fall

Well, here I am again, weeks since my last post. Hopefully you'll forgive me after watching the newest slide show. We've just come back from a week at my dad and stepmom's farm. This was essentially our vacation and the girls had a blast! There is so much to do out there...they fed the chickens every morning, looked for eggs, picked and ate veggies in the garden, went for hay rides, caught their first fish, the list goes on and on and on. The farm really is a beautiful place. I had an opportunity to spend about an hour by myself on the porch one afternoon. I just looked all around at all the wonderful beautiful living things around me and was overcome. I thanked God for gifting us with such natural beauty in our world. Grampaw and Birdie do a great job of maintaining, protecting, and enriching this natural beauty as well. They work hard on that farm!

Besides that, most of my energy has been focused on the Zoe Rose Memorial Foundation. We are just about two weeks away from our remembrance event and it's getting very exciting. I was worried about attendance...but I'm not anymore. I just pray that whoever needs to be there, whoever needs hope and healing will be led to this event on October 17th. I am so thankful for all the friends and even strangers who have offered to volunteer that day. It just wouldn't come together if it weren't for such giving people around us.

Speaking of giving people...I am excited to announce that we'll be delivering our first set of isolette covers to Northside Hospital next week. A wonderful woman (who also lost her daughter) owns a quilt shop nearby. We were introduced by a mutual acquaintance and she has organized volunteers to come to her shop once a month to sew these beautiful quilts for the babies' isolettes. She's started off with one pattern and has two others she'll do as well. The time is donated and half of the materials are donated! I just can't wait to see the look on Anne's face when she gets this first set. We're striving to provide 300 covers so we have a ways to go. But Mita has committed to us for one year with the hopes of giving 10-15 quilts each month! What makes these covers so special (in my eyes) is: first, the fact that these women give an entire afternoon to sew something so beautiful that they don't get to keep for themselves! And second, these covers will be what helps to envelope the babies in their external "womb" environment and can then become a treasured keepsake for the families. And sadly, in some cases, it may be one of the only things the parents have left to remember their babies who were born too soon.

My heart is so full right now. I am just overflowing with excitement in what is happening, anticipation of what is to come, and I'm just plain thankful for all God has provided for us and through us.

If, by the way, you are interested in sewing a quilt for us send an email to info@zoerose.org. After I deliver the first set of quilts to the hospital I will then add section on the website with more details on how to contribute.

Rainbow of Roses

Plans for our 2nd Annual Rainbow of Roses Remembrance Celebration are underway!

Location - check!

Live music - check!

Guest Speakers - check (but need one more)

Activities for kids - check!

300 floating candles - check!

We are very excited about this year's event as we intend for it to send a message of hope to bereaved parents and families. We want to show everyone that while the pain of losing your child never goes away, it can live concurrantly with real and pure joy. We want everyone who has not lost a child to learn that they don't have to "leave us alone with our grief" or that they shouldn't "bring up our child for fear of making us upset." We want everyone to remember our angels and to know that it is ok to talk about them and to ask us about them...even if they never took a single breath in our own arms.

This year's remembrance will be held on Saturday, October 17th, 2009 beginning at 4pm with the candle lighting starting at 6:30pm. It will be at Milton Park in Alpharetta, GA which is at the corner of Mill Creek and Cicero Drive. It is a beautiful private park on a pond which will be set aglow with 300 floating lanterns!

Here is a link to our website where you can download the flyer, email it to all of your friends and family or for a modest $10 donation you can sponsor a candle for an angel. This event is NOT a fundraiser. It will always be free to attend and will always be free to include your angel.

We also have had great support from the Perinatal Loss Department at Northside Hospital, where the girls were born. They have included our Foundation as a support resource on their website and have included all the information about the Rainbow of Roses. They are also doing a remembrance, but on October 18th. Theirs is a Walk to Remember, guest speakers, and a balloon release. I am hoping to attend this since our event I will be "working" so it will be nice to remember Zoe as an attendee, where someone else is working :)

Please pass this along to everyone and anyone you know...this remembrance is in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness so any loss suffered at any point during pregnancy, stillbirth, SIDS, neonatal or infant death is acknowledged. Thanks so much, we hope this year will be a great success and bring comfort and healing to other bereaved families.